I started the painting and about 3/4 the way through the painting I realized I had slid away from my anger, instead I had painted despair. This is expected behaviour. This is my habit. If something makes me feel angry then I will quickly slide to another, more acceptable feeling. I finished the painting anyway. Perhaps I needed to express my despair.
 |
| In Search Of Anger I Found Despair. 18x24. Dec 2017. |
I'm pleased with this piece. Looking at this painting still creates feelings of sadness and discomfort in my core. Therefore, successful expression accomplished.
Some vignettes I particularly enjoy:
I understood that I would have to do this exercise several times before I'd be able to locate and hold onto my feelings of anger. So I made another painting. This time I tried to capture the weight, heaviness, and darkness I could feel in my belly. While I didn't succeed to my satisfaction, this didn't turn out too badly.
 |
| The Weight. 9x12. Dec 2017. |
I had to keep trying. I made a 3rd painting. I tried to hold onto that heavy, dense feeling in my belly. I cut in sharp, red, zig zags. I jabbed black and blue into the canvas. I twisted red into the black. I flashed yellow onto the red zig zags. As I worked, the physical feeling in my belly grew. There were times when I felt as though there was something pushing up from inside of me and it was meeting a blockage, it couldn’t get out. I felt a desire to cry but the tears wouldn’t come, they were blocked. I shuddered several times with the intensity of emotion, but the tears couldn’t get out. Finally, as I continued to stab and push paint around the canvas, the tears welled up and I cried. It wasn’t a long cry or much of a cry really, but it was a release. Something tells me I need to do this exercise a few more times to really clear the blockage.
 |
| Feeling Anger. 9x12. Dec 2017. |
Some vignettes I particularly enjoy:
This was a useful exercise. I will have to try it again.