In search of anger I found despair

I set out to explore my feelings of anger in paint. I wasn't looking for something representative or illustrative, which is my default mode. Something representative or illustrative would be understandable, readable to other people. Rather I wanted each stroke and colour to express a feeling or sensation within me. Something expressive would likely only be understood by, and hold meaning for, me. 

I started the painting and about 3/4 the way through the painting I realized I had slid away from my anger, instead I had painted despair. This is expected behaviour. This is my habit. If something makes me feel angry then I will quickly slide to another, more acceptable feeling. I finished the painting anyway. Perhaps I needed to express my despair. 

In Search Of Anger I Found Despair. 18x24. Dec 2017.